Caring for Aging Parents: Why Ukrainian Women Never Really Leave Their Mother Behind

By our experience at the agency, here's a topic that catches almost every North American man off guard a few months into a relationship: his Ukrainian or Russian partner keeps sending money to her mother every month, calls her daily, and seriously talks about bringing her over one day. Many men initially read this as an unhealthy attachment to the family of origin. In reality, what we've observed for years at the agency is nothing unusual back home, it's simply the norm. This next chapter of our sociological series, after divorce, tackles the question of aging parents: who takes care of elderly relatives in Canada, the US, Russia, and Ukraine, and why is it almost always the mother rather than the father who receives that support?

In Canada and the US, Support for Aging Parents Exists, but Mostly Kicks In Later

Both Canada and the US allow adult children to sponsor a parent for immigration, but the paths look very different in 2026. In the United States, parents of a US citizen qualify as "immediate relatives," meaning there's no annual visa cap and no waiting list at all, processing typically takes 10 to 15 months, and the sponsor only needs to show household income at 125% of the federal poverty guideline, around $25,000-27,000 for a household of two. In Canada, the Parent and Grandparent Program (PGP) works completely differently: it's capped, invitation-only, and paused entirely for 2026 under Ministerial Instructions 89. Even when open, sponsors must meet a Minimum Necessary Income around $47,500 to $65,000 for three straight tax years and sign a 20-year support undertaking (10 years in Quebec). Many Canadian families fall back on the Super Visa instead, a multi-entry visitor visa now allowing stays of up to 5 years per visit, with roughly 8-week processing. Day-to-day, both countries lean heavily on assisted living and nursing homes as the default model, family financial help usually activates once a parent's own means are exhausted, not as a routine monthly commitment.

In Russia and Ukraine, Supporting Parents Is a Reflex, Not a Last Resort

The contrast is striking. A study of Ukrainian labor migrants across the EU found that 66.3% of people sending money home direct it primarily to their parents, well ahead of their own children (26.6%) or siblings (19.9%). On average, a Ukrainian migrant sends around 3,300 euros a year to family, through several transfers annually. According to the National Bank of Ukraine, the country received $11.4 billion in diaspora remittances in 2023 alone. This isn't aid triggered by a crisis, it's a monthly commitment treated as completely normal, regardless of the parents' actual income. By our experience, this reflex stays deeply rooted in Russian and Ukrainian women, even years after settling in North America.

Why It's Almost Always the Mother, Rarely the Father

This is a question a lot of our clients quietly wonder about but rarely ask out loud: why does the father almost never come up in these family support stories? The answer is largely demographic, something we documented at length in our analysis of Russia's gender imbalance. Male life expectancy runs 10 to 13 years shorter than female life expectancy in Russia, and around 12 years shorter in Ukraine, largely due to alcoholism and accidents. In practical terms, by the time a Russian or Ukrainian woman turns 40 or 50, it's not unusual for her father to have already passed while her mother is still very much alive. It isn't a matter of favoritism, it's very often simply a statistical reality: there's no father left to support.

Bringing a Parent to North America: A Real Administrative Journey

This is something many North American men discover too late: contrary to what they assume, US and Canadian family sponsorship rules for parents work in very different ways, and neither is as simple as it sounds. In the US, only citizens (not permanent residents) can petition for a parent, and the household income threshold is comparatively modest. In Canada, the PGP is currently paused, capped when open, and comes with a steep income bar plus a 20-year financial commitment, pushing many families toward the Super Visa as a practical workaround. Many Russian and Ukrainian women are aware of this complexity long before they even meet a North American partner, and it's often a genuine, quiet source of worry that rarely comes up in the first few months of a relationship.

What the Psychology of Family Support Reveals, East vs. West

We often observe that the North American model draws a fairly clear line between emotional and financial responsibility toward parents, you love your parents, but you don't automatically treat their monthly financial support as a given. The Slavic model merges the two far more closely: loving your parents means, almost by default, supporting them financially as soon as you're able, without waiting for a crisis. This isn't excessive dependency, and it isn't a lack of trust in a new household, it's a deeply rooted moral commitment that geographic distance never really suspends.

The Most Common Mistakes North American Men Make on This Topic

• Reading regular money sent to a mother as a lack of trust in the relationship: it's a pre-existing family commitment, not a judgment on the couple.
• Underestimating how complex parent sponsorship really is in Canada or the US, and discovering the PGP pause or the income thresholds too late.
• Being surprised that the father never comes up in family conversations without realizing the statistical odds of his early passing.
• Treating this financial support as temporary or negotiable: it's a lasting commitment best factored into the couple's budget from the start.

Two Real Stories From the Agency

James, from Toronto, initially struggled with his Ukrainian girlfriend sending part of her paycheck to her mother every month. He changed his view the day he learned that same mother, widowed for fifteen years, had never once asked for it, it was his girlfriend who insisted on sending it, out of respect and love, not obligation.

Robert, from Chicago, started the process to sponsor his Russian mother-in-law. He was surprised by the paperwork involved, but even more struck by his girlfriend's quiet gratitude, she hadn't even dared bring it up herself for fear of seeming demanding.

For more on this topic, read our article on why Russian and Ukrainian women divorce or our piece on Russia and Ukraine's gender imbalance.