Western Men Are Running Away From Marriage — And It May Be Their Greatest Mistake

A Man Signs Up to a Matchmaking Agency — But Does He Actually Want to Get Married?

My wife Boryslava has been asking this question for years. Not to provoke anyone — Ukrainian women are not known for dancing around a subject — but because she sees it play out every single week since we co-founded the CQMI International Matchmaking Agency together. She sees dozens of Ukrainian and Russian women, serious and thoughtful, ready to give everything for a real partnership with a Western man. And she watches men sign up, make contact, exchange messages… and then vanish the moment the word "marriage" enters the picture.

So she wrote about it. For her female members, in Ukrainian. To help them understand what goes on inside the mind of a Western man when commitment comes knocking.

I borrowed her words — with her permission — and turned them around to face you directly. Because what she describes with remarkable precision deserves to be read by the very men she is describing.

This article is a mirror. Not a judgement. A mirror.

Why Western Men Are Pulling Away From Marriage

Boryslava writes plainly in her 2020 letter: "A man signs up to a matchmaking agency primarily to meet a beautiful woman and build something serious. But marriage is not what he's thinking about right away. The idea of marriage grows in his mind much later." And she adds, with the quiet humour that defines her: "Honestly, I would even say that the very thought of marriage deeply unsettles the Western man."

She is right. And I say that as one myself.

This is not about cowardice or emotional immaturity. It is a rational response to an environment that has made marriage look like a high-stakes gamble — one where the odds are stacked against men. In Quebec, as we have discussed in earlier articles, three out of four divorces are initiated by women. The leading reason given is not abuse or addiction. It is simply: "I'm bored. I don't love him anymore."

Millions of children grow up in alternating custody arrangements because of that reason. Millions of fathers have lost the daily texture of their children's lives. Millions of men have been financially devastated by alimony obligations and asset division. Understanding why a man hesitates before signing a marriage certificate is not irrational — it is entirely logical.

But here is what Boryslava says next — and this is where it gets genuinely interesting. She writes to her women members: "You have work to do to convince him to act." I'll say the same thing to you, in reverse: a serious Ukrainian woman registered with an agency like ours is prepared to do that work. The real question is whether you are ready to let her.

The PACS: The French Escape Hatch That Traps Everyone

One morning in 2021, Boryslava received a message from one of our Ukrainian members. It came with a photograph. The message read:

"Boryslava, hello! I want to share a joyful moment with you! Thomas and I signed a PACS today. It's the official civil marriage in France. We are a family now! ?"

My wife put down her phone. And then she wrote a letter to all her members explaining, with complete frankness, what the PACS actually is — and what it is not.

The PACS (Pacte Civil de Solidarité), created in France in 1999, is a civil contract. It offers certain tax advantages for French couples. But it dissolves with a single registered letter — no judge, no divorce proceedings, no court. And for a foreign woman living in France, it provides no path to French citizenship, no right to family reunification, and no financial protection upon separation.

In plain terms: the PACS allows a French man to obtain nearly all the practical benefits of an official partnership — without making any real commitment. Boryslava summarised it directly for her readers: "It is a trap that you need to be prepared for if you meet a Frenchman."

Note also that the PACS does not exist in Canada, in Belgium, or in Switzerland. It is an exclusively French arrangement. For men from Toronto, London, or Melbourne reading this — your equivalent temptation is simply the endless "let's just see how things go" approach. Different form, same avoidance.

PACS vs Marriage: The Real Difference at a Glance

That said — and this matters — not every French man who proposes a PACS is acting in bad faith. Boryslava acknowledges this herself. She notes that roughly half of the women married through our agency and living in France initially formed a PACS with their French partner before converting it to full marriage. For some couples, it functions as a transitional step. The danger lies in a Ukrainian woman accepting a PACS while believing it to be equivalent to marriage. That misunderstanding can cost her years of her life. Which is exactly why clarity from the very first conversation is not optional — it is essential.

A Legal Detail Most Men Miss: A Marriage in Ukraine Is Not Automatically Valid Back Home

Boryslava raises a point in her letter that catches almost every man off guard. If you marry in Ukraine or Russia, that marriage is legally valid within that country. But for it to be recognised in Canada, the UK, France, Belgium or Australia, you must complete a transcription process through your country's consular services or relevant legal authority. This does not happen automatically.

She illustrates this with a story that is both darkly funny and deeply instructive. During Antoine's Russian language studies in Moscow, he met a German businessman in his class who confided — without a trace of embarrassment — that he had two wives. One in Germany, one in Russia. Each completely unaware of the other. This was technically possible because no international agreement automatically broadcasts marital status across borders. The story is not there to alarm you. It is there to remind you that commitment is made with transparency — not around it. And the women registered with CQMI deserve exactly that: full transparency.

To understand more about what separates a Russian woman from a Ukrainian woman in terms of values and expectations, and how these differences play out in a real relationship, our dedicated article is the right place to start.

What a Ukrainian or Russian Woman Registered With an Agency Is Really Looking For

Let me be direct — it is the style of the house.

The women registered with CQMI are not looking for an arrangement. They are not looking for a passport, a European visa, or a rescuer. These are educated, self-sufficient women who have often lived through experiences most of us cannot begin to imagine — war, economic collapse, a profound structural shortage of reliable men in their home country — and who have consciously chosen to look beyond their borders because they still believe in marriage as the foundation of a happy life.

Whether Russian or Ukrainian, these women carry a vision of partnership that much of the Western world has quietly discarded: the idea that a man and a woman choose each other, commit fully, and build something that lasts. Not out of naivety. Out of conviction. As our article on real marriage stories from CQMI members makes clear — these unions work, when both people come to the table with honesty.

And what Boryslava observes every day — through the hours she spends on the phone with our members, guiding them through cultural misunderstandings and moments of doubt — is this: these women know that the Western man is afraid. They do not hold it against him. They simply wait for him to be honest with himself.

The Classic Mistakes Western Men Make — And How to Avoid Them

• Proposing vague "flexibility" instead of commitment: For a Ukrainian or Russian woman seeking marriage, "let's see where this goes" is not a plan. It is a signal that you are not serious. She will move on.
• Using marriage as a seduction tool early on: The reverse problem. Mentioning marriage in the first week as a tactic — without meaning it — is something these women identify almost instantly. Do not do it.
• Marrying in Ukraine without completing the legal process back home: A marriage celebrated in Kyiv is not automatically recognised in Toronto, London or Sydney. The consular transcription process is non-negotiable. Sort it out before the ceremony, not after.
• Comparing her to Western women: It is the comparison that kills the relationship before it starts. She is different — culturally, in her values, in how she understands the role of a man and a woman. Not better or worse. Different. That difference is precisely why you are here.
• Waiting until you feel "ready": Boryslava writes it with gentle irony in her letter: if you wait to feel perfectly ready before committing to marriage, you will wait your entire life. Readiness is built together — not achieved in solitude.

And before you even begin reaching out to women, make sure you understand the PPL (Pay Per Letter) scam platforms that exploit men's loneliness and drain thousands of dollars from their accounts while delivering nothing real in return. It is the first thing to understand before going any further.

Why a Serious Matchmaking Agency Changes Everything

The fundamental difference between a general dating app and a matchmaking agency like CQMI is declared intent. On a mainstream platform, nobody really knows what the other person is looking for. In our agency, it is written in plain sight: the women who register are looking for marriage. Not curiosity, not a pen pal, not a short-term adventure. Marriage.

On our side, we reject more than 40% of female applications after verification. That figure is not a marketing line — it is the result of years of rigorous work by Boryslava and our team on the ground. Browse the profiles of our verified members here and you will see immediately what that standard looks like in practice.

Boryslava and I have been married since 2016. Our story is not a sales pitch — it is living proof that what we offer works, because we went through it ourselves. Every piece of advice we give comes from experience, not theory. Every warning we issue comes from having watched things go wrong for others — and having seen them go right.

Frequently Asked Questions: Marriage With a Ukrainian or Russian Woman