A Man Is Measured by What He Does, Not What He Says: The Key to Winning Over a Ukrainian Woman

I've lost count of how many times I've heard this phrase from Ukrainian women: "A man isn't judged by what he says, but by what he does." It's almost become a mantra in my conversations with the women at our agency. And believe me, gentlemen, if you don't internalize this reality, you're heading straight for a wall.

I remember a Canadian client, let's call him Michael, who contacted me a few years ago. Michael was a cultured, eloquent man with a rich vocabulary and an ability to talk for hours about his projects, his dreams, and what he was going to do for his future wife. He had been corresponding for three months with a woman from Kharkiv. Daily messages, video calls, promises… And then nothing. She stopped responding.

When I contacted this woman to understand what had happened, her answer stayed with me: "Antoine, he talks a lot, but he doesn't do anything. In three months, he never proposed a concrete date to come meet me. He never sent flowers to my daughter for her birthday even though he knew the date. He says he loves me, but his words are empty."

An Upbringing That Shapes Different Expectations

To understand this mentality, you need to go back to how children are raised. In Ukraine, Russia, and Belarus, boys and girls receive completely different educations. It's a deep cultural fact that many Westerners underestimate.

The feminine is oriented toward openness, femininity, appearance, home, and family. Little girls learn early to take care of themselves, to be graceful, to create a warm environment. The masculine, on the other hand, is educated with a focus on protection, building, and responsibility. A man must build, protect, act. Not talk.

The typical Slavic man – Russian, Ukrainian, Belarusian – is naturally rather reserved, not very talkative, quite cold at first with strangers. It's not rudeness; it's a culture where words hold less value than actions. A man who talks too much is often viewed with suspicion.

Why Western "Smooth Talkers" Fail

In the West, the difference between men and women is much less pronounced. It's common to meet men who love to talk, to seduce with words, to tell stories. It's culturally accepted, sometimes even valued. Pickup techniques and dating strategies – all of this relies essentially on words.

Here's the thing: Slavic women absolutely despise smooth talkers.

I've seen Western "seduction experts," accustomed to impressing women with their gift of gab, crash and burn when facing Russian or Ukrainian women. These men arrive with their arsenal of rehearsed phrases, their polished compliments, their grandiose promises… And they hit a wall of polite skepticism.

A Ukrainian woman once told me: "When a man tells me everything he's going to do for me, I think he's trying to sell me something. He's like a salesman. I'm not looking for a salesman; I'm looking for a husband."

To delve deeper into communication mistakes, I invite you to read our article: How to Communicate with a Ukrainian Woman Living in Difficult Conditions Without Ruining Everything.

Concrete Long-Distance Actions: What Actually Works

"But Antoine, how can I demonstrate my actions when I'm thousands of kilometers away?" That's the question 90% of the men I coach ask me. And it's an excellent question.

Here's what I've observed working over the years:

Send flowers from a distance – It's not the bouquet itself that matters; it's the fact that you took the time to organize it. You found a local florist, you paid, you had it delivered. It's a concrete action. She sees it, she touches it, she smells it.

Give a gift to her child – If she has children, a small gift for her son or daughter shows that you're thinking about her family, not just her. It's an emotional investment that translates into action.

Plan meetings with concrete dates – Don't say "I'd love to come see you someday." Say "I'll be in Kyiv from March 15th to 22nd; here's my plane ticket." The difference is monumental.

Respect your time commitments – If you say you'll call her Sunday at 2 PM, you must call her Sunday at 2 PM. Not at 4 PM. Not Monday. Sunday at 2 PM. This detail that may seem trivial is actually a permanent test of your reliability.

The Fatal Trap: Being Classified as a "Man with Feminine Qualities"

I'll be direct with you, gentlemen. Smooth talkers who fail with Ukrainian women aren't simply rejected. They're reclassified.

A Ukrainian woman explained this to me with disarming frankness: "When a man talks too much, when he tells me about his life for hours without ever doing anything concrete, I no longer see him as a man. I see him as a woman. He has feminine qualities: expressiveness, the need to share his emotions, chattiness. But that's not what I'm looking for in a partner."

It's brutal to hear, but it's the reality. And if you want to succeed in your search for a Ukrainian or Russian wife, you need to accept it.

My Practical Advice

When you communicate with a Ukrainian woman through our platform, keep this rule in mind: for every promise you make, ask yourself "what concrete action can I accomplish in the next 48 hours to turn it into reality?"

Don't say "I think about you all the time" – send her a message at a specific time every day.

Don't say "I'd love to spoil you" – have something delivered to her.

Don't say "I'll come see you soon" – book your ticket and send her the confirmation.

Be pragmatic. Be concrete. Be a man of action.

Take Action Now

Our marriage agency has developed a formula that works. Our $250 CAD subscription for 1 month allows you to receive 10 contacts of Ukrainian and Russian women who are genuinely interested in building a serious relationship.

That's our "secret sauce": we don't sell you dreams; we connect you with women who share your values and intentions.

Do you have questions? Contact me directly: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

Antoine Monnier
Founder of the CQMI Agency