Can't Think for Yourself? The Stupid Mistake That Destroys Your Relationship with a Ukrainian Woman

Gentlemen, today I want to talk about a mistake I see happening with alarming regularity. A stupid mistake. So stupid, in fact, that you wonder how intelligent, educated men — often brilliant in their professional lives — can possibly make it. And yet, it happens almost every single week at our agency. The mistake is this: a man asks us for advice, receives a well-considered answer, and then repeats it word for word to the woman he's communicating with — citing his source. As if he were handing in homework and showing the teacher he'd read the notes properly.

If you're single or separated — whether you live in Canada, the United States, the UK, France, Belgium, or anywhere else in the Western world — and you're seriously considering building a life with a Ukrainian or Russian woman — not a fling, but a real marriage — then what follows could save your relationship. I'm not exaggerating.

  Example #1: The forwarded email that blew everything up

Here's what happened today. One of our clients — a French gentleman — has been communicating with a Ukrainian woman. Things are going well, the relationship is progressing, and they agree to meet in March in Krakow, Poland — a neutral meeting point, very common for first encounters between a Western man and a Ukrainian woman. So far, so good.

In this type of meeting, it's always the man's responsibility to cover the woman's travel expenses — taxi, train, bus, hotel. That's the rule, and if you can't accept it, don't get involved in this process. Except in this particular case, the woman pushed the numbers a bit too high. The amount she quoted was clearly above the actual cost of travel within Ukraine.

The man, understandably puzzled, did exactly what he should have done: he consulted my wife Boryslava. That's her role. Boryslava is Ukrainian, she knows the prices, she knows how things work. She assessed the situation, confirmed that the costs were excessive, and sent a thoughtful, nuanced response to our client. A professional feedback, exactly as she does so well.

And that's where everything went off the rails.

Without thinking it through, our client took Boryslava's response — word for word — and forwarded it directly to the woman, adding a few accusatory lines along the lines of: "Here's what the agency thinks of your travel costs. You're clearly trying to take advantage of the situation."

The result? The woman — who had indeed inflated the costs, let's be honest — directed her fury not at herself, but at the agency and at my wife. Boryslava received an angry message from a woman who felt humiliated and betrayed. Our client thought he'd played it smart. In reality, he destroyed three things with a single email: the woman's trust, his own credibility, and the advisory relationship with our team.

  Example #2: "Antoine thinks that…"

Here's another situation that happens far more often than you'd imagine. One of our clients is corresponding with one of our Ukrainian members. The woman suggests meeting in France in April. The man, slightly thrown off, doesn't know how to respond. He contacts me:

— Antoine, what should I do when she suggests a meeting in France in April? I don't know what to tell her…

We analyse the situation together. I give him my advice: I think it would be better for both of them to meet halfway, on neutral ground — Poland, Romania, perhaps Prague. It's fairer, less daunting for a first encounter, and avoids the complications of a Schengen visa.

The man leaves with my advice. Very good. And in his next letter, he writes this:

"Dear Olga, I discussed the question of our meeting with Antoine and he thinks it's better to organise a get-together halfway in March rather than what you were suggesting…"

What do you think happens next?

If you're lucky — very lucky — she'll reply. But in most cases, the woman won't even bother. And if she does respond, there's a strong chance it'll be something like this:

"Dear John, I see that even at your age, you're not capable of making your own decisions like a grown man? And when you're in a relationship, will you also ask Antoine what to do whenever there's a disagreement with your wife?"

End of communication. Curtain falls. And the worst part? She's right.

  What these two examples reveal

You've understood from these two situations: it is completely ineffective — and downright destructive — to invoke an outside authority when you're communicating with a Ukrainian woman. More often than not, it's the end of your exchange with her. It's clumsy and extremely damaging.

This doesn't mean you shouldn't seek advice. On the contrary — that's exactly why our agency exists. The cultural mistakes are so numerous and so subtle that it would be irresponsible not to ask for guidance. But under no circumstances — I mean absolutely none — should you mention this outside input to the woman. Because she will draw very unflattering conclusions, final ones, about your ability to make decisions.

Think of it this way: you might consult a lawyer before a tough negotiation at work. But you never tell the other party "My lawyer told me not to accept your terms." You say "I've analysed the situation and here's my position." It's exactly the same principle.

  What a Slavic woman expects from a man

A Ukrainian or Russian woman is looking for a man with natural authority. This is a fundamental trait in Eastern European culture, and if you don't understand it, you're heading straight for a wall. She wants a solid man who will protect the family in all circumstances. A man capable of making decisions, of being decisive, of saying "here's what we're going to do" when the situation calls for it.

If you let her know — directly or indirectly — that you went looking for help to figure out what to say to her, she will draw a ruthless conclusion: you're not strong enough in character to form an independent decision-making process. And for a Slavic woman, this is absolutely critical.

My wife Boryslava tells me this often: in her culture, a man who asks for permission to decide is not a man who inspires security. A Ukrainian woman wants to feel that you are a rock — not a reed that bends with every breeze and consults his entourage before answering a simple logistical question.

These women are not looking for a one-night stand. They are looking for marriage, a lifelong union, a stable home with a trustworthy man. If you're not serious, step aside. But if you are, then act like a serious man: take your advice in private, and present your decisions in public.

  How to do things right

The right approach is simple. When you receive advice from our team — whether from me, from Boryslava, or from our assistants on the ground — you digest it, you rephrase it in your own words, and you present it as your own analysis. It's as simple as that.

Instead of "Antoine told me your travel costs are inflated", you write: "I looked into the transport costs between your city and Krakow, and the amount you suggested seems a bit high. Could we look at some more reasonable options together?"

Instead of "Antoine thinks we should meet halfway", you write: "I've thought about our meeting and I think the best option would be to meet halfway, somewhere like Krakow or Prague. It's simpler for both of us and lets us focus on what really matters: getting to know each other."

See the difference? In the first case, you're a messenger. In the second, you're a man who thinks and decides. The Ukrainian woman wants the second. Not the first.

  Our formula for success

If you're serious about this journey and want to put every chance on your side, our agency will guide you every step of the way. Our subscription at $350 CAD for one month gives you access to 10 contacts with serious, verified Ukrainian and Russian women who are genuinely interested in building a relationship. Not ghost profiles. Not pay-per-letter conversations. Real contacts with real women who are looking for marriage — not a distraction.

And most importantly, with this subscription, you get access to our guidance, our advice, and Boryslava's feedback — provided, of course, that you use these insights wisely. That is to say, by keeping them to yourself.

Feel free to browse our member profiles and take our compatibility quiz to see if this approach is right for you.

In conclusion

Remember this, gentlemen: in a relationship with a Ukrainian or Russian woman, you are the captain. Not the co-pilot, not the passenger, and certainly not someone else's messenger. You can — and you should — ask for advice. That's the mark of an intelligent man. But that advice must disappear into your thought process and come back out as a personal decision — clear, confident, and fully owned.

You have every right not to know everything. But you are forbidden from letting her know.

Questions about your personal situation? Contact me directly at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. I'll be happy to answer.

See you Sunday for the next Live!

Antoine Monnier
Founder, CQMI Matchmaking Agency