Feminine Manipulation: A Real-Life Example to Help You Detect a Ukrainian Woman's Psychological Tests

In a nutshell: Ukrainian women — like all women — use subtle psychological tests to verify whether they are in control of the relationship. This article explains how to recognize these tests, with a real-life example from CQMI coaching, and most importantly, how to respond intelligently to preserve balance in your exchanges. The key: step back, analyze your feelings, and ask yourself whether you would dare impose the same constraint on her.

  Fridays Are When the Truth Comes Out

If you've been following me for a while — on our YouTube Lives or on this blog — you know that coaching our clients is at the very heart of how the CQMI Agency operates. Every Friday, I do a phone check-in with the men I'm personally accompanying. It's a moment I truly value, because that's when the important things rise to the surface — raw, unfiltered, real.

And believe me, after nearly 15 years of coaching men from France, Belgium, Quebec, the UK, and the United States who are looking to marry a Ukrainian or Russian woman, one topic comes up with almost alarming regularity: feminine manipulation. Not manipulation in the toxic, malicious sense — although that exists too — but rather that natural psychological intelligence women possess, which, if you fail to detect it in time, can turn your budding relationship into a game where you don't know the rules.

Today, I'm going to share a real case with you — one I dealt with just a few weeks ago with one of our members. But before we get there, allow me a brief detour through my childhood.

  My Grandmother, or the Art of the Invisible Decision

When I was a boy, I used to spend my summer holidays at my grandparents' house. It was one of those simple pleasures whose true value you only understand years later. My grandmother had a magnetic presence over the entire family — and she, and she alone, made every important decision. Every single one.

In the evenings, at the dinner table, she had this extraordinary way of presenting each of her decisions with a phrase I still remember, forty years later:

At that precise moment, when she invoked her dear husband, my grandfather would seem to emerge from the drowsy state that digestion had imposed upon him. He would look at his tender wife with deference, nod approvingly — without the slightest recollection of what the conversation was even about.

You would have had to be a complete fool to miss the basic rule: my grandmother made every decision unilaterally, without ever consulting our grandfather. A beautiful example of feminine psychological intelligence — gentle, elegant, and devastatingly effective.

  A Real Case: When the Woman Takes the Upper Hand

The example I want to share with you today is a bit more dangerous, more subtle, and far more difficult to detect. Let me give you the context.

A man from our agency — a Western European in his forties — has become deeply attached to one of our Ukrainian female members who lives in Ukraine. Their exchanges are regular, substantial, intellectually stimulating. The woman is brilliant, emotionally sensitive, and physically attractive. In short, she ticks all the boxes — and this man has started to see her as some kind of ideal.

The problem? She has subtly begun to take the upper hand in their exchanges. Exactly like my grandmother, in a way… except the stakes are no longer the same. She sets the pace of the conversations. She asks the questions and dictates the answers. And the man, intoxicated by this woman who appeals to him so deeply, is willing to make considerable concessions to avoid any risk of losing her.

If you've been through this before — and let's be honest, every man with even a minimum of romantic experience has lived through this at least once (except the liars!) — you know exactly what I'm talking about. That moment when the balance of power shifts imperceptibly, and you sense that you're no longer quite in the driver's seat.

  The Phrases That Should Set Off Alarm Bells

This is where things get truly interesting — and potentially dangerous. When a woman senses she has the upper hand, she will want to confirm her impression. To do so, she will conduct what I call a psychological experiment on her male correspondent. She will impose a constraint, observe your reaction, and draw her conclusions.

Here are concrete examples, drawn from real situations I've encountered while coaching our clients:

•   "I would have loved to see you in March, but unfortunately I've planned a trip to the Balearic Islands with my girlfriend, so we'll have to postpone our meeting."
•   "Either way, whether you like it or not, if I move to Europe, it will be with my son, my dog, and my cat."
•   "If you come to see me in Kyiv in April, I won't be able to free myself — April is just too busy at work."
•   "When I'm in a relationship, I don't do housework and I don't cook. Take it or leave it — I need a housekeeper for all that."
•   "If I can't find a job in my field in your country, I won't be able to leave my position here in Kyiv."

Do you see the pattern? The woman imposes her conditions in a direct — sometimes even blunt — manner, with a hidden intention: to observe your reaction and confirm her impression that she is in control of the relationship.

  The Psychological Mechanism Behind the Test

Let me be clear: this kind of remark is never accidental. In NLP — Neuro-Linguistic Programming — we learn that every word carries a precise intention. And here, the intention is crystal clear.

The woman deliberately imposes an unpleasant constraint to see how you will react. The more uncomfortable the remark, the greater the risk she takes — a risk that is, of course, perfectly calculated on her end. If the man absorbs the blow without flinching, that's the expected result: she confirms that he is the one making compromises, not her.

She may even push it further by telling you afterwards that she "didn't mean to upset you." Total hypocrisy. That remark was formulated intentionally, with a precise purpose, and the apparent regret that follows is also part of the script.

  What to Do When You're on the Receiving End of This Kind of Test

When you identify this type of manipulation, the first thing to do is take your time. Don't respond in the heat of the moment. Don't justify yourself. And don't apologize for existing, either.

Go for a run, ride your bike, take a long walk. Let the emotion settle and ask yourself one simple but fundamental question:

"Would I have the courage to impose the same thing on her?"

Would you dare tell her: "I won't be able to see you in March because I'm going on holiday with my buddy Steve to the Canary Islands"? If the answer is no — because you'd be too afraid of offending her and losing her — then you have your diagnosis. The imbalance is real.

And beware of the flight-forward trap. If you tell yourself "I'll do it too, but later," it doesn't count. That's a self-reassurance mechanism that changes nothing about the actual balance of power. The question is: right now, at this stage of your exchanges, would you do the same thing? If not, you have a problem — and you need to address it before it's too late.

  What Boryslava Taught Me About Marriage

Psychological manipulation is everywhere in human relationships, and it is absolutely essential to learn to detect it at the right moment. In my own case, I learned to spot it through practice — every time an unpleasant, sharp emotion hit me in the gut. The intensity isn't necessarily strong, but you must pay attention to every signal your internal barometer picks up.

And finally, one last very important thing. In my relationship with Boryslava — ten years after our wedding — I can guarantee you without hesitation that my wife never uses this weapon on me.

In fact, she once explained to me how she operates — and I consider it nothing short of heroic: every time she thinks that what she's about to say might hurt me, she holds back and uses a harmless phrasing instead. The problem — and she's reproached me about this a few times — is that this discipline is exhausting.

  In Conclusion: Learn to Read Between the Lines

What I want to pass on to you through this article is a skill you won't find in any self-help book: the ability to detect in real time the psychological tests you will face during your exchanges with a Ukrainian woman. These women are not looking for a casual fling — they are looking for marriage, a lifelong union. This is precisely why they prefer a serious matchmaking agency over a random dating site.

And this is also why our coaching makes all the difference. During our Friday phone check-ins, I can help you decode these signals in real time, before the situation becomes irreversible. As we regularly discuss in our coaching articles: psychological preparation is just as important as the meeting itself.

Our secret formula? A subscription at $350 CAD for 1 month that gives you 10 contacts with women who are genuinely interested in building a serious relationship — plus personalized coaching that will help you avoid the traps I've described today.

Have questions? Write to me directly at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. I will answer you personally.

Antoine Monnier
Founder of CQMI Agency
Married to Boryslava since 2016