Ukrainian Women: Transactional or Relational? Stop Lying to Yourself!

Let me tell you a story that might disturb you. But stay with me, because by the end you'll understand why your vision of romantic relationships has been completely wrong all along.

Where Does This Embarrassing Question Come From?

A few weeks ago, I published an article on the theory of the 3 key components that a Ukrainian woman observes in a manthe theory of the 3 key components that a Ukrainian woman observes in a man. I specifically discussed the famous 25% concerning security – an absolutely crucial factor for a woman who lives in or has fled a war-torn country.

And then, boom! The comments flooded in: "Ah, you see, they're just after money!"

Wait a second. Take a breath. Let's dissect this together.

Yes, physical security often comes through financial security for a Ukrainian woman. Choosing a man without means is accepting to live in permanent insecurity. So quick-thinking minds make this simplistic shortcut: Ukrainian woman = gold digger.

This shortcut deeply bothers me. Why? Because it completely misses reality.

The Truth That Hurts: ALL Relationships Are Transactional

There, I said it. And I'm going even further.

Your current relationship? Transactional. Your ex? Transactional. Your future Ukrainian wife? Transactional too. And guess what? It's perfectly normal and healthy!

When a man and woman get together, it's because each person gets something out of it. Period. The woman derives benefits from her relationship with her man, and vice versa. It's not cynical, it's just... human.

Think about your job. Why do you stay at your company? Because the salary is decent, the atmosphere with colleagues is good, your boss isn't a tyrant, you have your vacations, acceptable hours. The day the equation no longer works? You leave. It's exactly the same principle in love.

The Story of the Young Quebecer Who Lost Everything

I remember this young man from Quebec. Married to a beautiful Ukrainian woman, they had just had a baby together. Three months – THREE MONTHS – after childbirth, he wanted to force his wife to go wash dishes in the restaurant where he worked.

Can you imagine? A young mother, exhausted, who just went through the ordeal of childbirth, with a newborn at home. And him, he thinks she can go work in his restaurant for a few extra dollars.

Her conclusion? Simple and brutal: this man cannot protect me or our child. She divorced.

Him? He'll suffer for the next 18 years, until his child comes of age. Child support, shared custody, guilt. All because he didn't understand that a relationship is a balanced exchange of services and support.

Get This Through Your Head Once and For All

The woman who will be by your side will stay in a relationship with you if and only if she feels good in the relationship and her basic needs are met.

• Security for her and her children? ✓
• Positive emotional state? ✓
• Physical attachment with you? ✓

If she suffers financially every day, if she feels abandoned, if she has to fight alone to survive... she'll leave. And you know what? You'd do exactly the same thing in her position!

You don't stay in a relationship that doesn't meet your needs. Nobody does. Nobody should.

French vs Ukrainian: Same System, Different Priorities

"But Antoine, French women aren't like that!"

False. The system works exactly the same way. The only difference? The priorities.

A French woman doesn't live in a war-torn country. Physical and financial security isn't her number one concern. Her needs will be more oriented toward the man's physical appearance, the emotions she feels, social status, the excitement of the relationship.

But in the end? It's still transactional. She stays because you meet her needs. You stay because she meets yours.

The Deadly Trap of Sex

Caution, minefield ahead. The sexual parameter disrupts the entire equation, especially for us men.

I've seen too many men stay in toxic relationships solely because their wife provides them with sexual pleasure that compensates for everything else. Disastrous communication? Doesn't matter, the sex is good. Constant arguments? We forget everything in bed. Lack of respect? But she's so sexy...

In these cases, the woman holds enormous power over you. Unbalanced power. And that, gentlemen, is the perfect recipe for long-term disaster.

My Personal Choice (And Why It Works)

Personally, I chose a Ukrainian woman because her mentality matches mine. I prefer to live in a couple where roles are clearly separated and complementary.

Me? I take care of financial security. My wife? She creates a warm atmosphere at home, she takes care of our daily well-being. Each to their strengths. We complement each other.

Result? The relationship is solid as a rock. Durable. Her security needs don't scare me – on the contrary, I'm proud to be able to meet them. And I benefit from everything she offers in return: a welcoming home, delicious meals, a true life partner.

Obviously I love my wife. Obviously she loves me. But this love is based on an exchange of services. The more we help each other, the more we love each other, because we need each other.

You could call this a transactional relationship. I call it a win-win partnership.

The Three Questions That Change Everything

Before concluding, I want you to think about these three questions:

1. Do lasting relationships exist that aren't mutually beneficial? No. Zero. None.
2. Would you stay in a relationship where you suffer every day of your life? Of course not. So why do you expect that from a Ukrainian woman?
3. What does a "relational relationship" even mean? Honestly? I don't know. It's a vague concept invented to make us feel guilty for having legitimate needs.

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Final Word

Stop lying to yourself with romantic concepts disconnected from reality. True love, the kind that lasts 20, 30, 40 years, is built on a balanced and honest exchange.

A Ukrainian woman will offer you her loyalty, her tenderness, her ability to create a warm home. In exchange, she expects you to ensure the couple's and family's security. It's clear. It's direct. It's honest.

And honestly? This is exactly what's missing in many modern Western relationships where nobody knows who does what anymore, where everyone walks on eggshells, where we're afraid to express our real needs.

So yes, my relationship with my Ukrainian wife is transactional. And that's precisely why it works wonderfully.

Questions? Want to discuss?
Contact Antoine directly: This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

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Article written by Antoine, founder of CQMI matrimonial agency, specialized for over 20 years in meetings with Ukrainian and Russian women.