In Live235, dedicated to the criteria of men and women, I explained the complete uselessness of your criteria. Yes, you read that correctly: uselessness. This statement may seem provocative, but after years of helping hundreds of Western men in their search for a Ukrainian woman, I've reached one certainty: your current criteria are leading you straight into a wall.
I recently published an article about Ukrainian women's criteria. Today, let's turn the mirror around and talk about you, gentlemen.
Male Criteria: A Troubling Inventory
When a man contacts me for the first time, I always ask the same question: "What are you looking for in a woman?" And I must admit, sometimes the answers astound me.
"I want a blonde with blue eyes, not too tall, slim, with a generous chest..."
I remember a client – let's call him Phil – who very seriously explained to me that breast size was "really very important" to him. Phil was 52 years old, had a divorce behind him, and was looking for the woman of his life. Not a fling. The woman of his life. And his number one criterion was... breasts.
Most men prefer not to talk too much about their criteria for fear of appearing ridiculous. But these criteria remain very important in their minds nonetheless. Here's what I systematically observe:
Physical Criteria
- The woman's height
- Eye and hair color
- Body type (always "slim" or "athletic")
- And yes... certain attributes that decency prevents me from detailing
The Financial Criterion (The Big Taboo)
Beyond physical criteria, men pay close attention to their wallets. And here, I'm going to tell you something that might seem incredible but is absolutely true: it regularly happens that a man finds a woman too beautiful in his eyes... and decides to pass.
Why? For fear that she'll cost him too much money.
This is very real. I'm not joking. I've seen men refuse to contact gorgeous women while telling me: "Antoine, that one will bankrupt me." As if beauty were automatically synonymous with excessive spending. A persistent prejudice that makes them miss beautiful opportunities.
"Deal-Breaker" Criteria
Smoking and tattoos are among the criteria that come up often. A client once told me: "If she smokes, it's a no. Period." I understand this health concern, but sometimes it becomes obsessive.
Distance
Men are pragmatic and also consider distance as an important criterion: the closer she is to them, the better. Note that on the Tinder app, these are also the only available criteria: proximity, age, and photo. Three parameters to find the love of your life... Seriously?
Age
A woman's age plays a critical role for men who always seek younger women, at least from age 35 onwards. For a man, the younger the woman is compared to him, the better. This obsession with youth is biologically understandable, but it can become a real obstacle to a lasting relationship. On this topic, I invite you to check out our free training which addresses the question of optimal age difference.
Children
Finally, children! Very important, and this ties back to the financial criterion because children are expensive. It won't surprise you to learn that Western men aren't all eager to take care of a woman's children. I'd say that 70% of my clients are opposed to the idea of choosing a woman with one or more children.
One day, a client told me: "Antoine, I don't want to raise another man's children." I replied: "And what if this woman was the love of your life? Would you let her go over a matter of principle?" He didn't know what to say.
The Painful Summary
In summary, a man is looking for:
A woman with sexual attributes that please him, who is young or much younger than him, who isn't too far from his home to make travel easier, who doesn't smoke, and who ideally won't be too intellectual.
(Education for a woman gives her no advantage in attracting a man – it's often the opposite!)
When I read this list out loud to my clients, they often become aware of the absurdity of the situation. They laugh nervously, then ask me: "So Antoine, what should we do?"
The Question That Changes Everything
Now, let's ask ourselves the main question: what are the ingredients that will make a couple solid and lasting?
Sex? Shorter trips to see each other? The woman's breast size?
I'm being a bit ironic... but you understand my point.
We're not on the right path.
If these criteria worked, the divorce rate in the West wouldn't be so catastrophic. If physical beauty were enough to build a lasting couple, models and actresses would have the strongest marriages in the world. Yet, we often observe the opposite.
NLP to the Rescue of Couples
A few years ago, I made a video titled: "NLP to the Rescue of Couples".
It's a somewhat complex theory to understand, I'll admit, but it will easily surpass in effectiveness everything we've seen previously.
The central idea is to match the values, beliefs, and identity of the man and woman. We talk about "logical levels" in Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Watch the video – I'm quite proud of it because it explains why some couples who seemed "mismatched" on paper work perfectly, while others who checked all the boxes fail miserably.
One of my clients, Bernard, had married a Ukrainian woman who didn't match any of his initial criteria. She was brunette (he wanted a blonde), she was 45 (he was looking for a woman of 35 maximum), she had two children (he didn't want any). But they shared the same deep values: the importance of family, mutual respect, helping each other daily. Five years later, they're still together and happier than ever.
Chapman's 5 Love Languages
When you gain some experience in this field, you realize that a man and woman who don't share at least one common love language won't be able to live together for very long.
Gary Chapman identified five main ways that human beings express and receive love:
The 5 Love Languages
- Words of Affirmation – Compliments, encouragement, sweet words
- Quality Time – Exclusive time spent together
- Receiving Gifts – Presents that show you're thinking of the other person
- Acts of Service – Concrete actions to make the other's life easier
- Physical Touch – Physical contact, hugs, closeness
My wife Boryslava and I share the common language of acts of service. We need to help each other to feel loved. When she prepares a meal for me while I'm working late on a video, I feel loved. When I help her with a complex administrative task, she feels loved.
Where do you stand? Take a moment to think about this question. It's infinitely more important than the hair color of your future wife.
The Unequivocal Diagnosis
In the end, the diagnosis is clear:
All romantic failures are caused by poorly chosen criteria.
Troubling, isn't it? This means that it's by adjusting your criteria that you'll finally find happiness in love with your Ukrainian woman.
Not by finding the most beautiful one. Not by seeking the youngest one. Not by selecting the one who lives closest to you. But by identifying the one with whom you share the same fundamental values, the same beliefs about married life, and at least one common love language.
An Important Reminder
Warning: The Ukrainian women we work with are not looking for a "one night stand" or a casual fling. They are looking for marriage and a lifelong union.
If you're not serious about your approach, please refrain. Our matchmaking agency is not like other dating sites.
As I explain in our article on what to write to a Ukrainian woman, these women have seen it all. They know how to recognize a serious man from one who's just browsing. If you're in the second category, you're wasting your time and theirs.
What Now?
If this article made you think – and that was my intention – I invite you to take action:
- Revisit your current criteria and honestly ask yourself: "Will this criterion contribute to a lasting couple?"
- Identify your primary love language
- Watch my video on NLP and couples
- Check out our free 8-module training
The path to marital happiness with a Ukrainian woman requires a deep reassessment of your criteria. It's uncomfortable, I know. But it's the price to pay to avoid repeating the same mistakes.
I'll see you next Sunday for our weekly Live. Until then, take care of yourself and think about all of this.
Antoine Monnier
Founder of CQMI Agency
Contact us