Gentlemen, let me share a story that plays out far too often in my daily work as an international relationship coach. A man — motivated, sincere, eager to please — receives a message from the Ukrainian woman he's been corresponding with for a few days. The message is simple, almost casual: "Can you send me a video of yourself? I'd like to get to know you better."

And right there, in a burst of goodwill, he grabs his phone, films himself in his poorly lit living room at the end of a long day, tired, with drawn features — and sends the whole thing thinking it's "authentic." The problem is that this video will speak for him. And it won't say what he thinks.

After nearly 15 years of coaching Western men — from France, Belgium, Canada, the United States — who are looking to marry a Russian or Ukrainian woman, I can tell you one thing with certainty: rushing is the number one enemy of long-distance courtship.

  Marc's Story: When Good Intentions Backfire

Let me tell you about Marc, one of my clients. Marc is a serious man in his fifties, a business owner — someone structured and thoughtful in his professional life. He had started corresponding with two women through the CQMI agency.

With the first one — let's call her Alla — he had a video call. Alla's English was very hesitant, and the conversation was laborious. Marc told me: "It required a great deal of concentration on my part just to understand part of what she was trying to say. It was really complicated." He didn't feel a particular connection, and that's perfectly normal — the language barrier is a real challenge in international dating.

But it was with the second woman, Elena, that things became truly instructive. Elena had asked him to send her a video of himself and his apartment. Marc decided to film it during his lunch break, between two meetings, on a day when his energy level was at rock bottom because of work frustrations.

He wrote to me afterward: "It wasn't a good idea because my energy level was quite low. I should have prepared better for this first video exchange."

Elena's response, full of diplomacy, left little room for illusion:

"I saw a serious and deeply intelligent person. However, I feel that we have very different rhythms and paces of life. I fear that our temperaments and daily habits might not align harmoniously. I don't quite see, for now, how we could coexist as a couple in everyday life. But since life is unpredictable, I don't want to close the door completely…"

Translation: it's a polite and disguised "no." Elena is an elegant woman — she doesn't slam the door, she closes it gently. But the message is clear: Marc's video, filmed in fatigue and improvisation, created an impression of an energy mismatch. What Marc truly is — dynamic, intelligent, ambitious — didn't come through in that lunchtime video.

  Why You're Not a Photographer — And Why That's a Problem

Here's the truth no one tells you: you're not a photographer, you're not a videographer, and you probably don't know how to present yourself visually. That's not a criticism — it's a fact. The vast majority of men I coach simply don't think about these details. And that's precisely where the trap closes.

When a Ukrainian woman asks you for a photo or a video, she's not making a casual request. She is evaluating you. She wants to see:

  Your energy — are you lively, smiling, positive?
  Your environment — is it tidy, warm, organized?
  Your effort — did you take the time to show your best self?
  Your compatibility — can she picture herself living by your side?

And you, in the rush to please her, grab your phone and film yourself in sweatpants in your kitchen, the morning dishes in the background, with fluorescent lighting that adds ten years to your face. You think you're being "natural." She thinks you're being careless.

  What a Ukrainian Woman Does When YOU Ask Her for a Photo

Now, let's reverse the roles. When you ask a Ukrainian or Russian woman for a photo, what does she do? I'll tell you, because I know the Slavic mindset after years spent alongside these women — including my own marriage to Boryslava.

She doesn't grab her phone in a split second. She takes the time to:

  Reapply her lipstick
  Fix her hair carefully
  Look herself in the eye in her compact mirror
  Choose the right angle and the right light

Why? Because she thinks about the consequences. She knows that photo will travel, that it will be looked at, analyzed, maybe shown to a friend. She thinks strategically. She thinks about the image she projects. We men — let's be honest — we don't think about these details. And that's exactly why this article exists.

  Sometimes, It's Better to Disobey Her

I know this might sound counterintuitive. She asks you for a video, and I'm telling you not to send it right away? Exactly.

Because it's infinitely better to politely disobey than to send her imperfect material. A simple "I'm preparing something nice for you, give me a day or two" is worth a thousand times more than a sloppy video that will cement a mediocre image of you in her mind.

Remember: these women are not on a Western dating app where you swipe right between two subway stops. They are looking for a husband, a life partner, a man with whom to build something lasting. This is not a game. If you're not serious, you will fail — and you'll only have yourself to blame.

Marc's story is a perfect example: had he waited until the next morning, a Saturday after a good night's sleep, with some natural light, properly dressed and a rested mind, Elena would probably have seen the man he truly is. Instead, she saw a tired man, in a lifeless apartment, without energy. And she projected herself — in the wrong direction.

  During Courtship, Every Detail Matters

Let me be clear about one thing: this hyper-vigilant attitude is only necessary during the courtship phase. Once you're a couple, settled into your daily routine, of course your partner will see you in pajamas, unshaven, fixing the kitchen sink. And she'll love you just the same.

But during the period when you're trying to win her over — that fragile window where every interaction builds or destroys the image she has of you — every detail counts. It's like a job interview: you don't show up in flip-flops and shorts, even if that's your favorite weekend outfit.

Ukrainian and Russian women are demanding — and that's a quality, not a flaw. They were raised in a culture where the languages of love also include visible effort, attention to detail, the ability to show that you care. Sending a sloppy video is sending the opposite message: "You're not worth the effort."

  Conclusion: Courtship Is a Marathon, Not a Sprint

The message I want to convey today is simple: don't sacrifice your chances to save a few hours. When a Ukrainian or Russian woman asks you for a photo or a video, don't react in the moment. Step back. Prepare yourself. Think about what she's going to see and feel.

As I regularly explain in my articles on the realities of international courtship, these women are looking for a serious, stable man who shows commitment in every gesture. Show her that you are that man — even through a simple selfie.

And if you feel overwhelmed by the subtleties of these exchanges, if you need an outside perspective to navigate these correspondences, that's exactly what the CQMI agency is here for. Our subscription plan at $350 CAD for one month gives you access to 10 contacts with serious women who are motivated to build a real relationship — along with my personalized coaching advice.

  Questions? Contact me directly: antoine@cqmi.ca

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